Do you ever compare yourself to other people? Maybe it’s the social group you’re part of, or maybe it’s movie stars and elite athletes. Perhaps it’s random strangers. Whoever the target of your comparison is, assessing how we measure up to other people seems to be a very common phenomenon.
Even more interesting than the actual comparing process are the people we choose to benchmark ourselves against. Often, the things on which we compare ourselves, and the people to whom we compare ourselves, result in the conclusion that we don’t quite make the grade or are in some important way (important by our own individual definition) inferior.
Why would we do that? Out of all the people in the world we could choose as our standard, why do some people consistently choose others who are out of their league, or at least a few rungs higher on the skills and abilities ladder? The answer to these questions will undoubtedly be different for different people, but it might very well be the case that the answer will hold important clues to greater peace of mind and a more contented existence.
So you have your regular set of comparators, and you routinely, maybe even automatically, cycle through the comparing process multiple times a day. I’m assuming here we don’t do things for no reason, and we certainly don’t develop habits and routines aimlessly and without purpose. A most intriguing question, therefore, is — what’s the purpose? What important function does reminding yourself how inferior you are have for the journey you are on?
The first time you think about, reflect on, or ask yourself this, your initial reaction might be a swift and stern rebuttal: “Waddyamean that thinking of myself as inferior has a purpose?! I don’t want to do it! It just happens!”
Really?
Could I provocatively suggest that something we do over and over again doesn’t “just happen?” We’re doing it. And we’re doing it for a purpose. Even breathing doesn’t “just happen.” As automatic as it is, breathing is an active process with a real, and fundamentally important, purpose.
It could very well be difficult to stick with this line of questioning, but the learnings you discover about yourself will be well worth the initial discomfort. So, it’s not the rebutter you want to listen to. That aspect of yourself has a loud voice and demands a lot of your attention. You’re looking for that quieter, but perhaps stronger and more resilient, part of you who is likely to be skulking around the edges and whispering almost inaudibly. If you want to get to the bottom of the comparing you do, this is the part who needs to be brought to center stage.
So there’s a part of you who constantly directs your attention to the “better than me” side of the world and keeps you at the back of the pack. What does that part want? What is it doing for you? Perhaps it’s a relic from an earlier time that just hasn’t kept up with your growth and development. Maybe as a child, you were chided for being “big-headed” and bragging about your achievements. Could it be that you didn’t want to be singled-out from your peers when you were at school so you made sure there was always someone in front of you? It’s fascinating to wonder what the answer might be. The skulker will give you the answer you want if you can stick with it and listen to what it has to say.
There’s nothing bad or dreadful about comparing ourselves to others. It’s a bit like air — it just is. This simple little habit, though, does provide us with the opportunity to learn more about who we are, we’re where going, and how we’re getting there. Are these the kinds of topics you have some interest in? If so, you have everything you need to generate the answers that will help. So what are you waiting for?
